PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met this morning, but there was too much crying, sobbing,
tearing of clothes, pouring on of ashes and other such indicators of
mourning to have any reasonable discussion about today's outcome. However,
I have it on good authority, (mine own), that today will in fact be...and,
before I get to it, let me preface this by saying that this may come as a
surprise to you, but even with the unpredictable quality of said
determination, it should still be accepted with grace and aplomb, to the
best of your ability, and....wait; I lost track of my thoughts. What was I
saying......?

Huh.

Was I talking about Bacon?

No...that can't be right.

Diet Coke, maybe?

No.....

The Who?

Uh uh...no, I've talked about them before, but that wasn't it....

Well, it must not have been important.

See ya'll at lunch!

Tommy

PSA

7/2
Greetings,

The Committee met last night and, after numerous requests, repeated petitions, and a fervent--yet strange--plea, had decided, reluctantly, and with a great deal of reservation, to indeed let tomorrow be our last day of summer school. (There was a fringe movement, a cadre, if you will, pushing for 34 more days, in order to show solidarity with this school [http://community.greatschools.net/groups/11546/discussion/448228] but that movement was soundly rejected. Therefore, tomorrow will indeed be our last day.)

The committee asked that I let you all know the following bit of pertinent information: Did you know that Albert Einstein's first published paper was all about the physics of fluids in drinking straws? I mean...seriously...drinking straws. Which, of course, raises the question of what he would have done with crazy straws....I mean, we're talking possibly another Nobel prize, you know?

Anyway, today will: Organized, smooth, and efficient, with a slight chance of chaotic, bumpy, and incompetent.

Tommy 'the sittin' on the fence Decider' Estlund

PSA

7/1/09

Greetings,

The Committee thought you should know that there is really no such thing as gravity. What we think of as gravity is really just the manifestation of mass on timespace, which is the third dimension, as explained by Einstein. (You see, mass has the ability to "bend" spacetime toward itself, so things "roll" toward it. Imagine a 50 lb lead ball on a mattress, and you roll a marble on the mattress. Naturally, as the marble gets closer to the 50 lb ball (with a LOT more mass) it will veer off it's previous course, and go toward the ball. See? It's SO obvious.) So, next time you trip and fall, just thank ol' Alby.

Oh, and today is going to be: horrible. (Of course, I'm speaking in terms of relativity...I mean, no one here is going to win a million bucks in the lottery, no one is going to spontaneously sprout wings allowing you to fly wherever you want, and the district isn't going to decide to give us all 40% raises for our hard work...which, makes today horrible.)

Tommy 'the trying just a LITTLE too hard to show off Decider' Estlund

PSA

6/30/09

Greetings,

The Committee met this morning and wanted to pass on a few words of wisdom.

The word "Mastodon" means "nipple tooth".* We thought you should know.

Also, today will be: Exceptionally good.**

Tommy 'the PhD in wit and humor*** Decider' Estlund

*Seriously.
**Also seriously.
***Not seriously. Although some of you fell for it, didn't you?

PSA

6/26

Greetings,

The Committee "don't wanna be starting something", but I gotta Beat It.
This day is gonna be a Thriller, it's gonna be ABC (Easy as 1-2-3). It
don't matter if you're Black or White, but let's all start by taking a look
at the Man/Woman in the Mirror.

We'll miss you, MJ.

Tommy 'the King of Decisions Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met yesterday, and this morning, to determine the outcome for you all, as well as today’s YOU SHOULD KNOW.

Today should be mostly sunny with a high in the mid to high 80’s, with a 98% chance of Awesome, and YOU SHOULD KNOW:  Croup is a horrible, godless, despicable, and ugly thing, and we shall not give it the respect of speaking of it ever again.

That is all.

Tommy ‘the ticked off at viruses Decider’ Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met last night and decided, unanimously, that today will indeed be: copasetic.  It will also be groovy.  And, fly.  Oh, and also neat-o.  Cooper says it will be hip, but I’m not particularly sure he knows what he’s talking about.  (You know, sixth graders think they know everything.)

Also:  

YOU SHOULD KNOW

The band Led Zepplin got their name when Keith Moon, the drummer for The Who heard the band play for the first time.  Afterward, he told Robert Plant that his band would take off like a “lead zepplin”.  Plant then decided to take out the a so as to not confuse people about the pronunciation.  

And, now you know.  As a bonus, the Muppet called Animal was modeled after Who drummer, Moon.

So, enjoy your copasetic, groovy, fly and partially “hip” day.

Tommy ‘the how does he come up with this stuff Decider’ Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met on their secret compound, Juniper Valley River Society, (guess if they wanted that to be a secret, I prolly shouldn’t have told you all the name of it....ugh, ignore that last part, ok?) to discuss both today’s decision, and the “You Should Know” section.

Unfortunately, due to Juniper Valley being located 128 miles south of Lee’s Summit, and 17 miles due east, it took most of the evening to get there and back, and they had very little time to actually discuss.  (Oh, and I probably shouldn’t have told you where it was either...darn it!)

So, here is the slap-dash message as I received it:

YOU SHOULD KNOW:

Did you know baker’s of old were not the most ethical creatures.  In fact it was pretty well known that bakers used to dupe customer’s regularly by making loaves of bread that contained more air pockets then solid material.  By 1266, Parliament was fed up with their airy substances.  So the enacted a law where bread had to be solid by weight.  Most bakers didn’t have the proper weighing equipment, but the penalties were pretty extreme.  In fact, a Turkish version of the law stated that bakers were to be nailed to their shop doors by the ears if they shortchanged a customer.  Anyhow, bakers quickly decided that forking over an extra loaf for every dozen was an easy way to avoid the sentence.  Hence the number thirteen in a baker’s dozen.

And, today’s decision:  Today will be: Quixotic.

That is all.

Tommy ‘the making most of you look up the word “Quixotic” right now Decider’ Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met this morning and decided that there is a very obvious need to included another feature in our daily e-mail.  So, as of today, we are creating the following daily feature:

YOU SHOULD KNOW!!!

Did you know that if the presidential heads on Mount Rushmore were given proportionally sized bodies, each would be 450 feet tall, which would enable them to walk UNDER the St. Louis Arch, which stands at 630 feet tall? We thought you should know.

Also, today will be Friday, which means it will be good.  So...uh, enjoy.

And, even thought I’ve said it before, it bears repeating:  If you’re driving out to the stadium this weekend, don’t forget to take your car.

Tommy ‘the using summer repeats just like everyone else Decider’ Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met this morning, and it has been agreed that today will continue in line with the past two days, but will be even better.  (If you are looking for a more specific declaration, here you go: 82.89% better.)

Two notes of interest:  One:  Congratulations to both Mark Hoskins and Penny Teig for “finding” the grammar mistake in yesterday’s PSA.  You were correct in reporting to me that I should have used the word “too” instead of “to”.  Your reward?  Being on the short list of people the Committee finds annoying and nit-picky.

Two: Today is “Favorite Song Lyric Day”.  What is your favorite songs lyric?  I’ll begin:  “The wages of sin don’t adjust for inflation, and it’s a buyers markets when you’re selling your soul.”  --Jeffrey Foucault.

Your turn.

Tommy ‘the random-task assigning Decider’ Estlund

PSA

Greetings, and Happy Fanny-Pack Day,

The Committee met last night to discuss something that has been bothering them for a very long time.  It seems that there is some debate on a very important topic, and we would like to put this debacle to rest.

So, without further ado, the following is the Committee’s Official Guide to the Further/Farther debate.

You should use farther when you are talking about physical distance.  (I ran farther then you.)
You should use further when you are talking about metaphorical, or figurative distance.  (You bug me in so many ways; you talk to much, and further, you send annoying e-mails constantly.)

Now, what about those occasion which might not be so cut and dried?  For example, what if you were talking about how much you have read in a book?  You might want to say, “How much farther/further do I have before the end?”  The good news is this:  All authorities (who all report to the Committee for final say-so) suggest that for the past few hundred years, the words have been used interchangeably, so when the distinction between physical/metaphorical distance is unclear, you can use which ever you like.

That is all.

Today will be: Better than yesterday; further, it will be cold.

Tommy ‘the impressing you all with his ability to do a google-search Decider’ Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee recently stumbled upon this newfangled "Internets" that they have.  Apparently, you can go there and, like, it will tell you all kinds of stuff.  They have the googles and it will apparently search for stuff using some kind of engine.  Technology truly is grand, isn't it?

Anyway, here's a little gem for ya'll:
    
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
                                -Robert Frost


Enjoy this day.  It's the last one you'll have just like it.

Tommy 'the thinks a little too highly of his ability to be profound Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee has asked that I let you all in on a little secret.  The Committee assigned the devious--yet delightful!!--task of placing secret cameras in everyone's room, so that we could monitor your response to the daily e-mails.  A grade, which will help to determine your salary for next year, will be assigned based upon how funny you think I...er, um...the Committee, is.  The following scale will be used...

Response:

You laugh hysterically at the funny e-mails and weep at those e-mails designed to elicit such a response.

Salary Change:  

You will receive a 13.98% increase in your salary.  

Response:  

You roll your eyes, sigh in exasperation, and quickly delete the e-mail.

Salary Change:

You will be given a 13.98% increase which will go towards therapy so that you can deal with your childhood issues which are hindering your ability to laugh at things that are funny.  Why do you hate awesome?

Response:

You weep at the funny e-mails and laugh hysterically at the e-mails that are supposed to be senstive.

Salary Change:  

You're fired.


We hope you are all prepared for these changes.

As per the meeting this morning, today will be: Anxious and fill with anticipation.  

Tommy 'the Decider who is totally taking advantage of this position' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met last night, along with token members of the Commission, Task-Force, subcommittee, and the governing body of the Association in order to hash out some semblance of order for these last few days.  

However, it should be noted that if progress proves difficult, the year may need to be extended.  This isn't ideal, of course, but the Committee feels that you all having to work without adequate forecasts is unacceptable, and that the only reasonable action by the Committee is to provide you an extension to the school year guaranteeing that those days have the correct prediction attached to them.

We hope that you all can be understanding.

Also, the Committee has asked that I send a special message to you all.  I have been asked to remind you all of the song we listened to by Ben Harper at the beginning of the year.  It was called, “I’ll Rise” and the lyrics are as follows:

You may write me down in history
With your bitter twisted lies
You may trod me down in the very dirt
And still like the dust I'll rise
Does my happiness upset you
Why are you best with gloom
Cause I laugh like I've got an oil well
Pumpin' in my living room

So you may shoot me with your words
You may cut me with your eyes
And I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise
Out of the shacks of history's shame
Up from a past rooted in pain
I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise

Now did you want to see me broken
Bowed head and lowered eyes
Shoulders fallen down like tear drops
Weakened by my soulful cries

Does my confidence upset you
Don't you take it awful hard
Cause I walk like I've got a diamond mine
Breakin up in my front yard

So you may shoot me with your words
You may cut me with your eyes
And I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise
Out of the shacks of history's shame
Up from a past rooted in pain
I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise

So you may write me down in history
With your bitter twisted lies
You may trod me down in the very dirt
And still like the dust I'll rise

Does my happiness upset you
Why are you best with gloom
Cause I laugh like I've got a goldmine
Diggin' up in my living room

Now you may shoot me with your words
You may cut me with your eyes
And I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise
Out of the shacks of history's shame
Up from a past rooted in pain
I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise


The task for today is simple:  In some way, in any way that you would like to...share this message with your students.  You don’t have to mention the song, read the lyrics, or anything like that.  Just give them the message.

And, if you do that...today will be: Uplifting.  (Get it?  I’ll Rise...will make today uplifting?  I. Love. Puns.)

Tommy ‘the wouldn’t have survived as a French court jester because they killed those who made puns Decider’ Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met briefly over the weekend in order to determine the outlook for today.  However, unfortunately, they were so bogged down with paperwork and filing that the only thing that was heard was grumbling, mumbling, and a few words not fit for print.  (At least, according to George Carlin.)  

However, one very thoughtful and insightful member of the Committee was heard to say, under his breath, the following words from Little Richard:

The grass is always greener, but just as hard to mow.

Today will be: Tuesday.

Tommy 'the seriously thinking about asking for an extension to 30 hour days Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met last night, and again this morning, in order to determine the extent of the fun that will be had today.  There was some discrepancy as to whether or not the "z" in Fun Daze was warranted.  After a respectful and thoughtfully constructed discussion, during which both sides were able to articulate their arguments, it was decided, almost unanimously, that today will indeed be fun enough to warrant the use of the slang-ified "Z".  

However, it was pointed out that the Z has been in use--without the permission of the Committee--for some time.  Therefore, unfortunately, it is necessary that some kind of restitution be made by the offending parties.  The Committee has left it up to you all to determine that.  

Today, in accordance with said decree, will be unequivocally awesome; indeed, awesome enough to warrant the Z.

So, enjoy.  

Rev. Tommy 'just because I can Decider' Estlund

RE: PSA

When my beautiful niece stretched her arms out to come to me and then laid her beautiful head on my shoulder and patted my back. That is my favorite memory this year.

 

Or, getting my tax refund.

 

---

From: Estlund, Tommy [mailto:Tommy.Estlund@raytownschools.org]
Sent: Thursday, May 21, 2009 8:45 AM
To: jennifer_n@kirksville.k12.mo.us; Sarah Estlund; tommyestlund.decider@blogger.com
Subject: PSA

 

Good morning.

After a brief scare yesterday, what with the Association trying to overthrow the Committee, we are back on track.  

Today's Decision comes in the form of a question.

What is your favorite memory of this year?  This can be at one of our gatherings as a staff, one of the PD meetings, or with your class.  So, think back, and tell me:  What is your favorite memory from this school  year?

Thanks, and you don't need to reply to all, but you certainly can...

Tommy 'the getting all nostalgic and whatnot Decider' Estlund

PSA

Good morning.

After a brief scare yesterday, what with the Association trying to overthrow the Committee, we are back on track.  

Today's Decision comes in the form of a question.

What is your favorite memory of this year?  This can be at one of our gatherings as a staff, one of the PD meetings, or with your class.  So, think back, and tell me:  What is your favorite memory from this school  year?

Thanks, and you don't need to reply to all, but you certainly can...

Tommy 'the getting all nostalgic and whatnot Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee voted unanimously to disband the Association last night.
However, the Association took retributive action against the Committee, by
way of their constituency--that is, you all--by rendering our e-mail service
disabled.  So, the subcommittee, Task-Force, and Commission banded together
to create a new software package that was able to not only take away the
Associations internet access, but also took them-surreptitiously, of
course--to a secret, unnamed, geographically mysterious prison.

So, the Association will have no association whatsoever with the Committee.

Today will be...wait, I think I hear someone.  Is that the Association?

I have to g

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met for an extended planning session last night in order to determine more specifically the outcome of the next few days of school.  (More specifically, all of the last days of school.)  

That particular conversation took about 7 and a half minutes.  The next four and a half hours of their meeting was spent in heated debate over whether to provide you all with that information today, or whether to slowly disperse it, day-by-day, until the last day of school, like little tasty nuggets of hope.  That simile led to a three hour brain-storming session on what a cereal called "Nuggets of Hope" would look and taste like.  That tangent led to another debate over the relative advantages of Nut' n Honey Crunch compared to Kashi's "Good Friends" cereal.  (How they got on THAT topic was lost to this Decider; he was just in attendance, but his mind had already kind of checked out...)

Anyway, here is the decision based on last night's meeting:  Good Friends has a lame name, and Nut and Honey Crunch has lame advertising, so it's a draw.

Tommy 'the subtly avoiding telling you all how today will look Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

This weekend the Committee, Commission, Task-Force, subcommittee, and Association were ravaged by a violent and pervasive bout of H1N1 (Swine Flu) which left all members tired, weak, and a little dehydrated.  However, this did nothing at all to their collective hankering for bacon.  

In light of the C/C/T-F/s/A's complete lack of rest over the weekend, today will be completely and totally relaxing.  Our students will come to school chilled out, mellow, and laid back.  They will comply with all requests/directions with an uncharacteristically positive attitude and demeanor.  You can all expect a thoroughly enjoyable and pleasant day.

That is all.

Tommy 'the self-diagnosing Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Association met yesterday to debrief the Committee on all decisions made in the last 48 hours by the Commission, the Task-Force, and the subcommittee.  The Association is pleased to announce a new draft for their seminal work on PBTE.

The Association has exhaustively researched the ramifications of a well designed PBTE system, as opposed to a poorly-designed PBTE system.  Of course, the Association understands that your time is valuable, and that any unnecessarily complex descriptions of said system will be for naught, so I have been asked by the Committee, the Commission, the Task-Force, the subcommittee, and of course the Association, to give you all the following brief description of the newly constituted standards for PBTE:

PBTE (or, Peanut Butter, Tomato, and Egg Salad)

Peanut Butter: The first layer on the sandwich should be nothing less than 99% organic Peanut Butter with no artificial preservatives or additives whatsoever.  Any sugar included should be in the raw and kept to a minimum.  (You have the option of adding maple syrup to sweeten it, but that is up to you.  If you do, that also should be organic, pure Maple Syrup from  the Northwestern part of Vermont.)

Tomato:  This, as we all know, is THE most crucial ingredient of the sandwich.  Tomatoes contain lycopene, which is what makes it nature's miracle fruit.  (Yes, the tomato is a fruit.  Duh.)  This sandwich should only be made while tomatoes are in season, which is part of what makes the sandwich so darn tasty.  They should be locally grown, and of course, organic.

Egg Salad:  Organic, free range chickens, and they should be the farm-fresh brown eggs, just because.  And, there should be a minimum of 4 eggs per sandwich.  (On this we just cannot be flexible.  Sorry, we don't make the rules we just...well, actually, we DO make the rules.  Never mind.)

Oh, and the C/C/T-F/s/A will also allow one variation on PBTE, the PBBTE, which includes the addition of bacon, which, as we all know, only serves to improve everything it is near.  It's kinda magical, like Bippity-bobbity-BACON, something that the fairy godmothers in Cinderella would say, you know?

Oh, and today will be:  as good and fullfilling as bacon sandwich.

Tommy 'the a bit long-winded Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee/Commission/Task-Force/Subcommittee met very briefly this morning to share their reports/affidavits etc. on how the week has been going.  The Committee/Commission/Task-Force/Subcommittee realized, through the course of their discussion, that a separate governing body, heretofore known as, "The Association" should be created, with members consisting of representatives from all of the previously mentioned groups, the Committee/Commission/Task-Force/Subcommittee.  The Association will convene in order to assess the validity of all Committee/Commission/Task-Force/Subcommittee reports/affidavits/investigations/decisions.  The Associations first statement of fact is in regards to the previous two days.  (Not the decisions about the days, but the actual days themselves.)  The Association has stated that the last two days should be stricken from the record.  They did not occur, and all faculty and staff should disregard them in thinking back on the school year.

Today will be full of obfuscation and discombobulation.  

That is all.

Tommy 'the running out of synonyms for groups Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met last night in order to convene a Commission, whose job it is to put together a task-force, which will in turn form a subcommittee on the status of current gatherings and decision making processes.  The subcommittee will report to the task-force, which will file an affidavit with the Commission, which will complete an investigation into all task-force/subcommittee findings, which will then be passed on to the Committee.  The Committee will then determine the validity of the Commission's findings based upon the affidavit of the task-force based on the report of the subcommittee, which will then be passed on to the Decider, who will notify you all of any changes in the Decision making process.

Hope that clears up any confusion.

Today, in light of the Committee's decision based on the commissions findings based upon the task-force's affidavit of the subcommittee's report, will be bureaucratically efficient.  In the words of that great Italian leader, Benito Mussolini, "All of our trains will arrive on schedule".

That is all.

Tommy 'the randomly quoting the early 20th century Italian Dictator Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee has decided to do a Stress-Test on themselves, and the result was, they are too stressed.  Symptoms include a low-grade headache, irritability, anxiety, blurred vision, constipation, itchy teeth, premonitions, crows feet, constantly craving hamburgers with peanut butter, inability to control the volume of their voice, stinky feet, irregular fingernail growth, constant 3-day stubble, reverse-onset puberty, hot flashes, cold flashes, luke-warm flashes, color-blindness, thick tongue syndrome (TTS), nausea, vomiting, sleep loss, internal bleeding, internal combustion, a sudden craving to sniff your carpet, heartburn, hair loss, diarrhea, dry mouth, water retention, painful rectal itch, hallucination, dementia, psychosis, coma, death, halitosis, an addiction to cocaine, heroin, PCP, speed and Windex, bone weakening, claustrophobia, acne and that creepy feeling you get when it feels like someone is watching you.

And, because I feel like someone REALLY is watching me, (it's that kid in the third row who isn't reading), I have to go.  Today will be: problematic.

That is all.

Tommy 'the Decider with AWESOME side-effects' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee was unable to meet last night as they were at the Entertainment Extravaganza of the Year.  The Eastwood Hills Elementary School Talent Show was a phenomenal success; a crowd pleaser if ever there was one.  The acts were wonderful, the talent showcased was spectacular.  There were dancers, rappers, piano players, and even a pigeon.  Oh, and seriously, DON"T LET THE PIGEON drive the bus.  She only has a learner's permit, not the class 2 CDL that she needs, so she's not prepared for that kind of responsibility.  

Anyway, in the absence of any kind of real prediction from the Committee, I would like to reference The Lion in Winter.  "As if it matters how a man falls down...when the fall is all that's left, it matters very much."  What does this mean to me?  I usually think of this in reference to a sports team.  Do not abandon a blowout.  When a team is struggling against what seems like insurmountable odds, it is a thing of beauty to see them make a come back, to defeat an undefeatable team.  What does that have to do with us?  Do NOT give up on a kid who is struggling against a Mount Everest of life factors.  When they overcome?  It is a thing of beauty.

Hope that makes some semblance of sense.

Have a good day; we may have a ninth inning rally awaiting us...

Tommy 'the random sports/Shakespeare reference making Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee had a positive experience in the far north, although the
length of time required for travel has inspired the Committee to decide to
invest heavily in Instantaneous Travel technology.  If only we could zap
ourselves and be somewhere right away...THAT would be neat.

Anywho, the Committee has decided that today will be: great.  In fact there
is a slight chance of today actually being grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat, but that
might just be a rumor.  (They are unsubstantiated, so who knows, you know?)

Well, let us know how things were without your beloved Decider.  Did you
miss him?  A lot?  A WHOLE lot?  Was there weeping in the halls, and
gnashing of teeth?  Did anyone wear sackcloth and sprinkle ashes on their
heads?  (Because, that too would be neat.)

Tommy 'the a bit melodramatic Decider' Estlund

PSA

-----Original Message-----
From: Estlund, Tommy
Sent: Mon 5/4/2009 8:45 AM
To: Whyte, Julie; EWH STAFF
Subject: PSA

Greetings,

The Committee has asked that I pass along to all of you the following bit of news.  The Committee has been selected to travel to the far north (Iowa) for a gathering of minds to confer and dialogue on how to better serve you all.  The meeting will require the Committee, as well as the Decider, to be gone for the next two days.  While the results of this absence will hopefully benefit you all, it does indeed require that you sojourn on without the guidance of your much needed Committee.  The Committee is asking that you let them know how much you're going to miss them.  (I.e. more than the desert misses the rain.)

That having been said, today marks a watershed day in Eastwood Hills history.  Today is the first day of an epoch that will last, it has been foretold, for the next four to eight years.  (The foretelling is a bit hazy.)  This epoch will be characterized  by highs unexperienced for lo' these many years.  It has the potential to be  legend...wait for it...ary. 

That is all.

Tommy 'the Nostradamus of Eastwood Hills Decider, minus that whole apothecary thing' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee was in absentia last night, so once again, we are taking requests as to what today will look like.  Personally, I'm hoping for balmy (which, by the way, does NOT mean "warm and tropical", which is how EVERYONE uses it, but "cool and refreshing, like a balm") but I would settle for pleasant.  What say you?  (While you may find this to be a disagreeable obligation, it does free me from bringing the onus back on myself.  Oh, and incidentally, onus means BOTH disagreeable obligations AND blame.)

So, as I was saying, what do you think today is going to look like?

Tommy 'the needs to have the online dictionary blocked on his computer Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,  

The Committee met very briefly yesterday.  There was some concern from one of the members about the possibility of having contracted Swine Flu.  (Fortunately, it was just bad shellfish.)  So, after having realized that was no longer a concern (because, as Samuel L. Jackson once said, "I don't dig on no swine.") the Committee made the unanimous decision that today will indeed be "fabulous."  (So, enjoy!)

Oh, and in case anyone is in need, the Decider has a decidely adequate cd player (with cassette function) available to the highest bidder.  (Payment only accepted in chocolate.)

Tommy 'the Jack Rabbit Slim's Decider' Estlund  

FW: PSA

Greetings,

The Committee wanted us all to take a few minutes to pause and consider the following words of wisdom from Leonard Cohen, Canadian singer-songwriter, musician, poet, novelist, and artist, "There is a crack in everything.  That is how the light gets in."

Sometimes we can forget that.

Tommy 'the waxing philosophical Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee met this weekend and wanted to let you all know that today is going to go very smoothly.

How smoothly, you ask? Well, we're glad you asked.

One of nature's most intriguing mysteries occurs in the western region of Death Valley, where the rocks come to life. Known as "sailing stones", these giant rocks and boulders move along flat swaths of the California Desert, leaving beautiful racing trails behind them in the sand. The phenomenon has left scientists scratching their heads for years, partially because some of the stones weigh up to 700 lbs, and partially because no one's actually recorded the rocks in motion.

Today is going to be as smooth as one of the trails left by one of these mysterious "sailing stones".

http://tripatlas.com/images/articles/racetrackstones.jpg
http://www.openadvent.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/mail_1237223510_fpbhkt.jpg

That is all.

Tommy 'the astounding you all with his random knowledge Decider' Estlund

Good...no, scratch that...GREAT morning, ladies and gentlemen,

The Committee did NOT meet last night. It was too darn pleasant outside, so they told me to make something up and pass it on. So, here goes, something totally and completely made up.

"Rawr" means "I love you" in dinosaur.


Today will be 14% better then yesterday, weather-wise. It will be 86% better behavior-wise. And, it will be 58.8% better odor-wise.

That is all.

Tommy 'the clearly making the best of his BS in English degree Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee met last night, behind closed door, for a very heated, very tense discussion. Apparently there has been a very, very ugly rumor going around, one that can only sow discord, discomfort and shame.

It is time to lay this rumor to rest.

Ladies and gentlemen, I can unequivocally state that I do not now, nor have I ever, shined my forehead. This enviable sheen is natural and God-given. Don't be jealous. I know you all wish your foreheads shined like the top of the Chrysler building like mine, but we can't all be blessed in this way. Get over it, deal with it, and stop talking about it, I beg you.

Now, let's all move on from this ugliness, shall we?

Today will be cleansing, renewing, refreshing; not despite of the rain, but because of it. So, let's all take a moment to look out of the window and acknowledge that we are where we are because it is good that we are where we are.

That is all.

Tommy 'the shiny happy Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee read with interest the suggestions received yesterday. The top few will be used in the coming days.

After yesterday's Spin Dippiness, which left the students in my room suffering from mild nausea, headaches, and constipation, today will be subLIME. (Mad props to B**** W********...there are few things in life that give me...er, the Committee, more joy then a good pun...so, our hats are off to you, sir.)

Today, another question. President Obama, and the United States Congress have officially changed our tax code--albeit subtly--to increase our paychecks something like $14.08 each pay period. So, what do you plan on spending your newfound windfall on? Me? I'm going to VERY SLOWLY save up for a new car. (You know, do my part to stimulate the economy.)

Tommy 'the still hungry, but golly he liked the spread in the library, and God bless ya Linda S----- Decider' Estlund

Greetings

The Committee has decided that today they would like your input. It has often been heard, in response to the question, "Hey, how are you doing?", "I'm just peachy!". Well, that begs the question what other fruits or food items can be used to describe one's day?

Please send all suggestions to room 30, C/O the Decider.

Today will be, depending on the suggestions, either peachy, or artichoke-y.

That is all.

Tommy 'the shouldn't have skipped breakfast, because he's now in the mood for grilled cinnamon peaches, Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee spent the entire weekend working on a housing project, which went decidedly well. The entire group was quite pleased with the outcome. It came in on schedule and just a little under budget, which, as we all know, is quite rare for a bureaucratic organization to do.

Given the achievements of the past few days, the outlook for this week is significantly optimistic. Apparently, this week may indeed set a few records, depending on how today goes. (If today is not good, then the rest of the week will be amazing. If today is amazing, the rest of the week will also be amazing.)
So, let's all work together, because if we all work together, it will all work out. (I just quoted the move Buffy the Vampire Slayer...and it was almost, like, profound!)

Tommy 'the obscure movie quoting Decider' Estlund

---

The Committee is taking a long weekend.

A much, much deserved long weekend.

Accordingly, today will be SWEET.

That is all.

Tommy 'the checked out already* Decider' Estlund


*Just kidding; as always, we will be working steadily towards conveying our GLE's in a developmentally appropriate format consistent with both the "Raytown Way" and in line with those methods specifically designated as "Best Practice". No rest for us!

Greetings,

Today, in honor of the last day of MAP testing for the 2008-2009 school year (yeah, that's right...all of you who have been done for a week, we in fifth grade are STILL going strong!!!), yeah, as I was saying, in honor of the last day of MAP testing, today will be: exhausting.

Just thought all of you NON-MAP test givers would like to share in this experience. So...there you go. Enjoy!

Oh, and in honor of Mr. Bird who is internally injured, a little literary reference to show off my English degree: "Bite back your spleen, O Charon!". Yeah, that's right...I just quoted Dante Alighieri, the 14th century Italian poet. (Thanks Dr. White!!! Senior year English coming back with a vengeance!!!)

Anyway. That's all.

Good luck to you, and enjoy your day.

Tommy 'the impressing you all with his literary references Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee would like to pass on a most sincere apology for the missing message yesterday. They would like to be able to give you all a meaningful and acceptable reason for the irresponsible behavior, but, having processed themselves, they recognize that there is indeed no excuse good enough to atone for so grievous an error. Instead, they are taking requests. This is a one-time only, non-transferable offer, which may not be redeemed with any other Committee, so act now, as supplies are limited. Please send your requests to Room 30, C/O The Decider. (If the door is closed, you may leave them in the clip located on the doorframe.)

And, having said (typed) that, I leave today up to you: It will be:_____________________________

Tommy 'the couldn't be more sorry and regretful Decider' Estlund

Greetings staff,

The Committee was busy all weekend entertaining visiting dignitaries from the faraway land of Iowa. They were able to convince the ambassadors to increase their funding of the Committee's Special Projects budget, which was a major coup.

In other news, the Committee will be in session all day today, considering new membership on The Committee. If anyone has a desire to help serve in this leadership capacity, please let us know.

Today will be: dreary.

That is all.

Tommy 'the short on time, in almost every area of his life Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee met last night to discuss possible room assignments for next year. (In addition to making decisions regarding the school calendar, the Committee has decided to take a much more active role in decisions the effect the school as a whole.)

The following changes have been approved by the Committee, and are NOT open to discussion:

Kindergarten will be now located in the gymnasium.
First grade will be in the hallway outside the bus doors.
Second grade will be in Ms. Defeo's room.
Third grade will stay where they are now, but the outside walls will be removed.
Fourth grade will on the roof.
Music will be located at Sprint Center; all students will be bussed to class.
Art will be located at the Guggenheim 1st and 2nd quarters, and at the Louver in Paris during the last half of the year.
P.E. Will be held at the Truman Medical Center, in the fourth floor nurses's lounge.
Intervention will be at the McDonald's playroom on State Line.

And, Fifth grade will be housed at D'Bronx on Bell.

Sorry ya'll, I don't make the decisions, I just pass them on, as a Public Service.

Anyway, given that news, today can ONLY get better. (Sorry about the misunderstanding yesterday; the Committee ACTUALLY said that it would be 27 1/3% WORSE, not better, I got the message wrong.) The decision for today is that today will actually make up for ALL of this week and last.

So, you know...enjoy.

Tommy 'the master floor plan planner Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee has decided that this whole starting school thing at 8:30 is so last year. So, effective starting tomorrow, school will not begin until 10:00. Oh, and we're not pushing the ending time back; we're still going to end at 3:30*.

The Committee is putting together a separate bill they would like to propse that would allow adults to take a "Personal Intervention Day", or PID. These would be days when you just don't have to show up. You're going to have to make up the work later, but you do not need to prepare sub plans or anything. The rest of us will just divy up the PID teacher's class amongst ourselves, and we figure it will all even out in the end.

Today, in the meantime, will indeed be 27 1/3% better then yesterday. (For those of you who had a really good day yesterday, good for you. Don't rub it in--for the rest of us, today's not gonna be AWESOME, but it will definitely be better than yesterday.)

Tommy 'the aiming-low-for-the-first-time-and-it-doesn't-feel-that-great-so-you-can-all-expect-ridiculously-optimistic-predictions-from-now-on Decider' Estlund

*Oh, and the new last day of school is May 15th.

Greetings,

The Committee has decided that today, in addition to the Public Service Announcement we usually provide, we are also going to be providing you all with an actual Public Service.

It is about this time of year when motivation can be somewhat lacking. In order to help you all, we have provided you with the following list of acceptable excuses, should the necessity arise for you to be late for work.*

In no particular order, the Top 12 Late for Work Excuses:

1. My heat was shut off so I had to stay home to keep my snake warm.

2. My husband thinks it's funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work.

3. I walked into a spider web on the way out the door and couldn't find the spider, so I had to go inside and shower again.

4. I got locked in my trunk by my son.

5. My left turn signal was out so I had to make all right turns to get to work.

6. A gurney fell out of an ambulance and delayed traffic.

7. I was attacked by a raccoon and had to stop by the hospital to make sure it wasn't rabid.

8. I feel like I'm in everyone's way if I show up on time.

9. My father didn't wake me up.

10. A groundhog bit my bike tire and made it flat.

11. My driveway washed away in the rain last night.

12. I had to go to bingo.

Please feel free to hit “reply” with your own suggestions for LFW Excuses, and the Committee will pass on the best and the brightest.

Oh, and today will either be: “MAPTASTIC” or “go back to bed bad”. The jury is out on that one.

(As always, I’m leaning towards the first one, but I’m not here to judge.)

Tommy ‘the hoping Julie finds the excuses funny and not insubordinate Decider’ Estlund

*Not a guarantee!

Greetings,

The Committee has decided that today is National Vocabulary Enhancement Day. And, in order to celebrate, the Committee has requested that you all teach your class your favorite word(s). (Mine are apotheosis and antithesis, which mean the perfect example of, and the complete opposite of, respectively.)

And, today's prediction is contingent upon your compliance with said task. Those of you who choose to show the Committee the respect it may or may not deserve will have a phenomenally shockingly good day. Those of you who choose not to, well...let's just say I wouldn't want to be in the same building with you, it's gonna be THAT bad.

So. Plan accordingly, and have a day.

Tommy 'the apotheosis of cool Decider' Estlund

Hey, what's up?

So, I got the message from the Committee. Some nonsense about unavoidable catastrophe, something about authorities will be notified...I don't know. Didn't really read too closely, 'cuz it sounded kina grim.

So, as the self-appointed Decider, a purely made up and powerless position, I'm going to veto the Committee's bogus prediction.

You know what? Today is gonna rock. In fact, its gonna rock HARDCORE. Today will, in fact, rock harder then a Bon Jovi/Aerosmith concert all rolled up into one hardcore rockin' day.

So, for today...JUST for today, forget that stupid 'ol Committee. They can go take a flyin' leap.

Today...is gonna ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Probably.

Tommy 'the Decidedly ambiguous Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee has decided, based on the knowledge that my giant, shiny, bald head (I don't have a forehead, I have a Five-head) can by used as a predictor of coming events, much like the Department of Homeland Securities Terror-Alert Color-coded System, that today will be:

"Terror-Alert Red"

(Now, while red might seem frightening at first glance, you don't REALLY need to be concerned until it turns purple...then, run for the hills.)

Also, today is going to be only 14% less awesome then "MAPfreakin'TASTIC". What that means is that all of your students (3-5) will get almost every single question on the MAP test correct, while students k-2 will be quiet, respectful, cordial, and caring towards all other students in the building.

Today's task: Teach your students the meaning of the word Quinquennium. (A period of time lasting 5 years.)

Thank you, and that is all...

Tommy 'the Decider who has a head like Jack-Jack' Estlund

Greetings faculty and staff--

The Committee was in transit to London last night, where they will be presenting to the G-20 Summit. They have been asked to discuss the long-term macroeconomic impact of a financially soluble organization, such as The Committee, on productivity, vis-à-vis morale. They were able to draft Tony Robbins into their presentation, which is kind of a coup. Paul Krugman, Noble Prize winning economist, has predicted that the presentation will "surely revolutionize the global marketplace, in a way that will ensure that today will go down as a red-letter day in the history books."* (Rumor has it he is even thinking about giving his Nobel Prize to the Committee in a symbolic gesture that would send a clear message about the New Order that is to come...but, that is unsubstantiated.)

Anyway, before the Committee left, they requested that I pass on word that today will be about 58% better then yesterday, which is actually a level of greatness ne'r before achieved. So, you know, enjoy.

Tommy 'the current-events-literate Decider' Estlund

*heresay, and completely made-up quote.

Greetings,

The Committee met last night in a closed session, and after a great deal of heated debate, discussion that nearly ended in thrown chairs, and a heartbreakingly eloquent speech that brought all but the most hard-hearted representative to tears, it was decided, and, I should say that it is my divine pleasure to be the one to share this news with you all, as I was saying, it was decided with a near unanimous result that today will indeed be...MAPtastic.

Now, without some kind of a key, or legend, it is difficult to translate "MAPtastic" to the U.S. Customary System. It's not a 1-to-1 correlation, but basically it breaks down like this: maptastic, without capitals, is somewhere between good and great. MAPtastic, where only the MAP portion of the word is capitalized is approximately 14% better. MAPfreakinTASTIC is somewhere around "mindblowingly, unbelievably, and altogether shockingly neat-o".

Hopefully this scale will aid you all in the coming days.

Now, for today's task:

A MAP like test question to get you all started:

"A train, traveling 40 mph, leaves Toad Suck, AR at 8:45 am. There are 258 passengers on board, all of whom are talking on their cell phones to their friends who just happen to all be on a train leaving Spasticsville, KS. If the second train is traveling at exactly one and a half times the rate of speed of the first train, and there is no wind to speak of, who in the heck came up with the names Toad Suck and Spasticsville? I mean, seriously? Toad Suck? Please provide evidence to support you answer."

Have a MAPtastic day, ladies and gentlemen. I'm going to Satan's Kingdom, VT after a short stop over in Hot Coffee, MS.

Tommy 'the shocked by how many strange city names there are that are NOT appropriate for school e-mail Decider' Estlund

Greetings to you all on this most joyous of wonderful and inspiring days, this, the last day before MAP testing

I submit to you...does it get any better than this?

This would be the third draft I've written of this PSA because, and I'm just being honest here, I got nothin'.

I want to write something hilarious. Something that will make you fall out of your chair because you are laughing uproariously. (Spelled that correctly on the first try!) I want to make tears fall like raindrops because of the laughter this e-mail will bring forth. But, I can't do it.

Because, as we all know: There is NOTHING funny...about the MAP test.

Apparently, this what it sounds like...when doves cry.

Sorry.

Hopefully this e-mail is not a portent for what today will look like. (Huh...seems like even the muses are frightened of the MAP test...who knew?)

Well, I'm out. Good luck to you all.

Tommy 'the -----------Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee has asked me to remind you to prepare yourselves for the Awesomeness that will be today. Today will be characterized by an awesomeness the likes of which none has e'r before seen. It's possible one will need protective goggles or awesomeglasses in order to not go blind from direct exposure to awesomeness.

Seriously. It's gonna be...Awesome*.

You can all expect with no degree of uncertainty to behold desirable behavior, expanded minds, comfortable rooms, gifts from students "just because" and a level of maturity, character and helpfulness that will indeed shock and surprise you.

Like I said...be prepared.

That is all.

The expecting 8-12 inches of AWESOME Decider


*actual results may vary

Good morning,

The Committee has requested that you all read the following proposed changes to the Committee Charter, created in 1932.

(1) An authority must ensure that -

(a) where its standards committee has more than three members, at least 25% are independent members; and

(b) where it is operating executive arrangements under Part II of the Act, no more than one member of its standards committee is a member of the executive.

(2) Where an authority is a responsible authority, it must ensure that -

(a) if its standards committee has appointed a sub-committee under section 55(3) of the Act, that standards committee includes at least one member of any of the parish councils for which the authority is the responsible authority; and

(b) a member of its standards committee, or sub-committee of the standards committee, appointed under sub-paragraph (a), or under section 55(6)(a) or 55(7)(b) of the Act, is not also a member of that responsible authority.

The Committee requests that you respond with either a ‘yea’ or a ‘nay’ to the proposed amendment. All ‘nays’ must be accompanied with four details supporting the suggested changes.

Once that has been finished, we can again all expect to have a day that even surpasses yesterday’s awesomeness. In fact, if you were to reference the PSA from Monday, it says, and I quote: “Thursday? Gonna make Wednesday look like a big pile of....uh, not very good.”

So, you know. There it is.

The deceptively knowledgeable in Committee by-laws and regulations Decider

Greetings,

The Committee is sad to say that the end is nigh. This statement can be made based on the fact that the Decider heard a Muzak version of Bohemian Rhapsody by the rock band Queen on the radio this morning. That's GOT to be somewhere in the End Times literature. I think it's right before the sky turns red. Look it up, if you don't believe me.

Anyway, even with the impending Apocalypse, today will STILL be even better then yesterday. Half of your students will pull rainbows and puppy dogs out of their desks, and the other half will pull your favorite chocolate and/or school-appropriate beverage out of their desks. So...you know, you got that going for you.

Enjoy,

The Revalation-having Decider

Greetings coworkers,

The Committee wants to remind you that it has decreed that today will be even better then yesterday. So, please work to ensure that happens, ok? I mean, I don't want to suggest that the ball is entirely in your court, but...well, ok, actually I DO want to suggest that. So, uh, I'm blaming all of you if today isn't awesome.

So. Get on it.

The shirking responsibility and obfuscating his duties Decider

Greetings my friends,

The Committee, which had a productive and busy week working on their new headquarters (scraping the stalactite nonsense off the ceiling, removing wallpaper, changing the locks, fixing the pressure release valve on the water heater, etc.) wants to extend a warm and optimistic welcome back to all of you. This week, it has been decreed, will start off strong, and gradually build to nigh unto MAPtastic, which, it has been declared, will be the state of affairs for the following three entire weeks. (Well, two for most of you, but three for fifth grade. HA HA.)

So, enjoy today, but be prepared: Tomorrow will be even better. Wednesday? Even better. Thursday? Gonna make Wednesday look like a big pile of....uh, not very good. Friday? Buckle your seat belts my friends. It's gonna be OFF. THE. HOOK.

Just so's you know.

That is all...

The boy-oh-boy-am-I-excited-to-be-back-here!!!!! Decider

Hi.

I'd like to take this time to stop, take a minute to reflect on the year
that we have had thus far.

Let us all remember the beginning of the school year, before we knew who all
of our students were going to be, before we had even greeted them...let us
all recall that brief moment before the first day of school, when we were in
our car or other mode of transportation, and we pulled up to school; that
feeling of anticipation, expectation, excitement, and hope.

That last one is the one that I, not the Committee, not the Decider, I,
would like us to think about.

What hope do you have for your students? What hope do you have for your
classroom? What hope do you have?

If you feel like it, respond throughout the day by clicking "reply to all".
(Sorry to those of you who don't like it when I say that. You can just
delete all of the e-mails you get that say "Re: PSA".)

Thanks,

Tommy

Greetings,

The Task-Force, which was found last night to be rife with disreputable member, I believe Bernie Madoff was a member, has been put under house arrest. After a great deal of soul-searching, discussion, an open-to-the-public forum, and a nation-wide ballot issue, the Committee has been reinstated.

We can only hope that this time the members will recognize the import of the task set before them, and that the problems surrounding their efforts in the past will no longer be an issue.

Let us all make an effort to make the Committee feel welcome, trusted, and appreciated.

In order to make you all feel better about the job that the Committee does, we thought we would highlight the definition of irony found in the news yesterday: The AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) has decided to suspend retirement benefits for their employees.

At least we're not doing that...yet.

And, finally, today will be: pleasant.

The lost-everything-to-that-jerk Decider

Greetings,

The Task-Force, heretofore known as the Decider's Junta, has passed on the following words of wisdom, particularly applicable to today. Enjoy, and apply as you wish:

"I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty." -John D. Rockefeller

Today, the Junta requests that you do two things:

1.) Think of one way that you con convey this message to your students.
2.) Think of one way that you can carry out this message with your students.

The Junta thanks you for your cooperation.

Furthermore, today will be: Wednesday.

That is all.

The surprising-you-all-with-his-military-might Decider

Greetings,

The Task-Force met this morning, and today will be: Soggy.

There is a chance it will be soaked, but it will definitely be soggy.

So, prepare accordingly.

Also, it will be smooth-sailing and not scary at all. No problems here.
Absolutely free of terror and scariness.

So, we got that going for us.

The oh-my-goodnes-please-help-me-I'm-so-scared Decider

Greetings,

The Commission on Decisions and Proclamations has no time to meet to Decide and then Proclaim what today will be like. They would love to, but unfortunately, they have no time.

So, I have to say, even though The CODAP was very short lived, they have proven no more valuable than the Committee. So, they too are being dissolved, and the Task-Force on Predictions and Outcomes (TFPO) will be convened starting tomorrow.

However, today, just for the record, looks chaotic. Just so's you know.

Oh, and the first priority of the TFPO will be to officially lobby congress to add 6 hours to the day, so that we can get all of our work done. There will be a petition in the work-room for you to show your support for this initiative.

That is all.

The needs-a-weekend-to-recover-from-the-weekend Decider

Greetings staff,

As the Decider, I have taken drastic measures. I have Decided, officially, to disband the Committee. After chronically poor results and pathetically sub-par effort, I have come to the realization that the Committee has outlived their efficacy, and are no longer a viable and necessary entity.

In order to ensure the continuation of daily decisions I will be creating a panel, a commission, if you will, or better yet, a task force, charged with completion of the daily adjudication.

Today's vaticination is: today will be urbane and convivial.

So, enjoy.

The likes-to-use-the-online-thesaurus-a-little-too-much Decider

No time for greetings,

The Committee has decreed: Quick! Everyone look busy!

The no-time-to-check-my-email-'cuz-I'm-doing-lots-and-lots-of-differentiation-of-instruction-so-don't-bother-me!!! Decider

{Greeting},

{Fill in Witty Comments and sardonic statements here. Be sure to have some reference to obscure pop culture and same vaguely biased political views, implicating someone as a Socialist. Finish by making a nonsensical but intelligent sounding prediction about today.}

{Closing}

{First Name "completely made up and silly title followed by veiled reference to George W. Bush" Last Name}

Aloha and welcome!

The committee wishes you all a happy Po’alima. (That means Friday.) As your esteemed alaka’i, I want to extend my sincerest hopes that today is as `olu`olu (pleasant) and enjoyable as a Friday can possibly be. Let us all ho`oku`i (join together) and harness the mana (spiritual power) that is within us all, in order to make today a great one for our students.



Pomaikaʻi! Maikaʻi Pomaikaʻi!

The impressively multi-lingual Decider

Good day to you all,

The committee briefly discussed this morning the outlook for today. And, unfortunately, due to the lack of response to the committee's requests for vision statements (with the exception of one individual, you know who you are) today does not bode well. You can expect all of your pens to dry out, your computers will not log on (after reading this e-mail), your chair's lumbar support will give out, and your overhead projector's will inadvertently project everything into Russian. (Smartboards will be in Mandarin.)

The only hope you all have is to comply post haste with yesterday's "request". I quake in fear at what can be expected tomorrow if the same lack of respect is shown to the committee.

Be ye warned.

That is all.

The Jonathan Edwards of Deciders

Good morning!

The committee met during a closed session last night, after which they
attended a question and answer period open to the public. Sadly, due to
poor attendance, no more open forums have been scheduled.

However, during the closed session, the committee was able to reach a
consensus about the number of meetings that faculty and staff are required
to attend. It has been decided that there are far too few meetings in
general. You can all expect a sharp and marked increase, commensurate with
the rate of inflation.

So, make any adjustments to your schedule that are necessary.

And, in accordance with that decision, today will be SPECATCULAR.

That is all.

The boy I love meetings and can't you just tell?! Decider