The Committee met last night, behind closed door, for a very heated, very tense discussion. Apparently there has been a very, very ugly rumor going around, one that can only sow discord, discomfort and shame.
It is time to lay this rumor to rest.
Ladies and gentlemen, I can unequivocally state that I do not now, nor have I ever, shined my forehead. This enviable sheen is natural and God-given. Don't be jealous. I know you all wish your foreheads shined like the top of the Chrysler building like mine, but we can't all be blessed in this way. Get over it, deal with it, and stop talking about it, I beg you.
Now, let's all move on from this ugliness, shall we?
Today will be cleansing, renewing, refreshing; not despite of the rain, but because of it. So, let's all take a moment to look out of the window and acknowledge that we are where we are because it is good that we are where we are.
That is all.
Tommy 'the shiny happy Decider' Estlund
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