Greetings,
The Committee has asked that I let you all in on a little secret. The Committee assigned the devious--yet delightful!!--task of placing secret cameras in everyone's room, so that we could monitor your response to the daily e-mails. A grade, which will help to determine your salary for next year, will be assigned based upon how funny you think I...er, um...the Committee, is. The following scale will be used...
Response:
You laugh hysterically at the funny e-mails and weep at those e-mails designed to elicit such a response.
Salary Change:
You will receive a 13.98% increase in your salary.
Response:
You roll your eyes, sigh in exasperation, and quickly delete the e-mail.
Salary Change:
You will be given a 13.98% increase which will go towards therapy so that you can deal with your childhood issues which are hindering your ability to laugh at things that are funny. Why do you hate awesome?
Response:
You weep at the funny e-mails and laugh hysterically at the e-mails that are supposed to be senstive.
Salary Change:
You're fired.
We hope you are all prepared for these changes.
As per the meeting this morning, today will be: Anxious and fill with anticipation.
Tommy 'the Decider who is totally taking advantage of this position' Estlund
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