PSA

Greetings,  

The Committee met very briefly yesterday.  There was some concern from one of the members about the possibility of having contracted Swine Flu.  (Fortunately, it was just bad shellfish.)  So, after having realized that was no longer a concern (because, as Samuel L. Jackson once said, "I don't dig on no swine.") the Committee made the unanimous decision that today will indeed be "fabulous."  (So, enjoy!)

Oh, and in case anyone is in need, the Decider has a decidely adequate cd player (with cassette function) available to the highest bidder.  (Payment only accepted in chocolate.)

Tommy 'the Jack Rabbit Slim's Decider' Estlund  

FW: PSA

Greetings,

The Committee wanted us all to take a few minutes to pause and consider the following words of wisdom from Leonard Cohen, Canadian singer-songwriter, musician, poet, novelist, and artist, "There is a crack in everything.  That is how the light gets in."

Sometimes we can forget that.

Tommy 'the waxing philosophical Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee met this weekend and wanted to let you all know that today is going to go very smoothly.

How smoothly, you ask? Well, we're glad you asked.

One of nature's most intriguing mysteries occurs in the western region of Death Valley, where the rocks come to life. Known as "sailing stones", these giant rocks and boulders move along flat swaths of the California Desert, leaving beautiful racing trails behind them in the sand. The phenomenon has left scientists scratching their heads for years, partially because some of the stones weigh up to 700 lbs, and partially because no one's actually recorded the rocks in motion.

Today is going to be as smooth as one of the trails left by one of these mysterious "sailing stones".

http://tripatlas.com/images/articles/racetrackstones.jpg
http://www.openadvent.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/mail_1237223510_fpbhkt.jpg

That is all.

Tommy 'the astounding you all with his random knowledge Decider' Estlund

Good...no, scratch that...GREAT morning, ladies and gentlemen,

The Committee did NOT meet last night. It was too darn pleasant outside, so they told me to make something up and pass it on. So, here goes, something totally and completely made up.

"Rawr" means "I love you" in dinosaur.


Today will be 14% better then yesterday, weather-wise. It will be 86% better behavior-wise. And, it will be 58.8% better odor-wise.

That is all.

Tommy 'the clearly making the best of his BS in English degree Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee met last night, behind closed door, for a very heated, very tense discussion. Apparently there has been a very, very ugly rumor going around, one that can only sow discord, discomfort and shame.

It is time to lay this rumor to rest.

Ladies and gentlemen, I can unequivocally state that I do not now, nor have I ever, shined my forehead. This enviable sheen is natural and God-given. Don't be jealous. I know you all wish your foreheads shined like the top of the Chrysler building like mine, but we can't all be blessed in this way. Get over it, deal with it, and stop talking about it, I beg you.

Now, let's all move on from this ugliness, shall we?

Today will be cleansing, renewing, refreshing; not despite of the rain, but because of it. So, let's all take a moment to look out of the window and acknowledge that we are where we are because it is good that we are where we are.

That is all.

Tommy 'the shiny happy Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee read with interest the suggestions received yesterday. The top few will be used in the coming days.

After yesterday's Spin Dippiness, which left the students in my room suffering from mild nausea, headaches, and constipation, today will be subLIME. (Mad props to B**** W********...there are few things in life that give me...er, the Committee, more joy then a good pun...so, our hats are off to you, sir.)

Today, another question. President Obama, and the United States Congress have officially changed our tax code--albeit subtly--to increase our paychecks something like $14.08 each pay period. So, what do you plan on spending your newfound windfall on? Me? I'm going to VERY SLOWLY save up for a new car. (You know, do my part to stimulate the economy.)

Tommy 'the still hungry, but golly he liked the spread in the library, and God bless ya Linda S----- Decider' Estlund

Greetings

The Committee has decided that today they would like your input. It has often been heard, in response to the question, "Hey, how are you doing?", "I'm just peachy!". Well, that begs the question what other fruits or food items can be used to describe one's day?

Please send all suggestions to room 30, C/O the Decider.

Today will be, depending on the suggestions, either peachy, or artichoke-y.

That is all.

Tommy 'the shouldn't have skipped breakfast, because he's now in the mood for grilled cinnamon peaches, Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee spent the entire weekend working on a housing project, which went decidedly well. The entire group was quite pleased with the outcome. It came in on schedule and just a little under budget, which, as we all know, is quite rare for a bureaucratic organization to do.

Given the achievements of the past few days, the outlook for this week is significantly optimistic. Apparently, this week may indeed set a few records, depending on how today goes. (If today is not good, then the rest of the week will be amazing. If today is amazing, the rest of the week will also be amazing.)
So, let's all work together, because if we all work together, it will all work out. (I just quoted the move Buffy the Vampire Slayer...and it was almost, like, profound!)

Tommy 'the obscure movie quoting Decider' Estlund

---

The Committee is taking a long weekend.

A much, much deserved long weekend.

Accordingly, today will be SWEET.

That is all.

Tommy 'the checked out already* Decider' Estlund


*Just kidding; as always, we will be working steadily towards conveying our GLE's in a developmentally appropriate format consistent with both the "Raytown Way" and in line with those methods specifically designated as "Best Practice". No rest for us!

Greetings,

Today, in honor of the last day of MAP testing for the 2008-2009 school year (yeah, that's right...all of you who have been done for a week, we in fifth grade are STILL going strong!!!), yeah, as I was saying, in honor of the last day of MAP testing, today will be: exhausting.

Just thought all of you NON-MAP test givers would like to share in this experience. So...there you go. Enjoy!

Oh, and in honor of Mr. Bird who is internally injured, a little literary reference to show off my English degree: "Bite back your spleen, O Charon!". Yeah, that's right...I just quoted Dante Alighieri, the 14th century Italian poet. (Thanks Dr. White!!! Senior year English coming back with a vengeance!!!)

Anyway. That's all.

Good luck to you, and enjoy your day.

Tommy 'the impressing you all with his literary references Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee would like to pass on a most sincere apology for the missing message yesterday. They would like to be able to give you all a meaningful and acceptable reason for the irresponsible behavior, but, having processed themselves, they recognize that there is indeed no excuse good enough to atone for so grievous an error. Instead, they are taking requests. This is a one-time only, non-transferable offer, which may not be redeemed with any other Committee, so act now, as supplies are limited. Please send your requests to Room 30, C/O The Decider. (If the door is closed, you may leave them in the clip located on the doorframe.)

And, having said (typed) that, I leave today up to you: It will be:_____________________________

Tommy 'the couldn't be more sorry and regretful Decider' Estlund

Greetings staff,

The Committee was busy all weekend entertaining visiting dignitaries from the faraway land of Iowa. They were able to convince the ambassadors to increase their funding of the Committee's Special Projects budget, which was a major coup.

In other news, the Committee will be in session all day today, considering new membership on The Committee. If anyone has a desire to help serve in this leadership capacity, please let us know.

Today will be: dreary.

That is all.

Tommy 'the short on time, in almost every area of his life Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee met last night to discuss possible room assignments for next year. (In addition to making decisions regarding the school calendar, the Committee has decided to take a much more active role in decisions the effect the school as a whole.)

The following changes have been approved by the Committee, and are NOT open to discussion:

Kindergarten will be now located in the gymnasium.
First grade will be in the hallway outside the bus doors.
Second grade will be in Ms. Defeo's room.
Third grade will stay where they are now, but the outside walls will be removed.
Fourth grade will on the roof.
Music will be located at Sprint Center; all students will be bussed to class.
Art will be located at the Guggenheim 1st and 2nd quarters, and at the Louver in Paris during the last half of the year.
P.E. Will be held at the Truman Medical Center, in the fourth floor nurses's lounge.
Intervention will be at the McDonald's playroom on State Line.

And, Fifth grade will be housed at D'Bronx on Bell.

Sorry ya'll, I don't make the decisions, I just pass them on, as a Public Service.

Anyway, given that news, today can ONLY get better. (Sorry about the misunderstanding yesterday; the Committee ACTUALLY said that it would be 27 1/3% WORSE, not better, I got the message wrong.) The decision for today is that today will actually make up for ALL of this week and last.

So, you know...enjoy.

Tommy 'the master floor plan planner Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee has decided that this whole starting school thing at 8:30 is so last year. So, effective starting tomorrow, school will not begin until 10:00. Oh, and we're not pushing the ending time back; we're still going to end at 3:30*.

The Committee is putting together a separate bill they would like to propse that would allow adults to take a "Personal Intervention Day", or PID. These would be days when you just don't have to show up. You're going to have to make up the work later, but you do not need to prepare sub plans or anything. The rest of us will just divy up the PID teacher's class amongst ourselves, and we figure it will all even out in the end.

Today, in the meantime, will indeed be 27 1/3% better then yesterday. (For those of you who had a really good day yesterday, good for you. Don't rub it in--for the rest of us, today's not gonna be AWESOME, but it will definitely be better than yesterday.)

Tommy 'the aiming-low-for-the-first-time-and-it-doesn't-feel-that-great-so-you-can-all-expect-ridiculously-optimistic-predictions-from-now-on Decider' Estlund

*Oh, and the new last day of school is May 15th.

Greetings,

The Committee has decided that today, in addition to the Public Service Announcement we usually provide, we are also going to be providing you all with an actual Public Service.

It is about this time of year when motivation can be somewhat lacking. In order to help you all, we have provided you with the following list of acceptable excuses, should the necessity arise for you to be late for work.*

In no particular order, the Top 12 Late for Work Excuses:

1. My heat was shut off so I had to stay home to keep my snake warm.

2. My husband thinks it's funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work.

3. I walked into a spider web on the way out the door and couldn't find the spider, so I had to go inside and shower again.

4. I got locked in my trunk by my son.

5. My left turn signal was out so I had to make all right turns to get to work.

6. A gurney fell out of an ambulance and delayed traffic.

7. I was attacked by a raccoon and had to stop by the hospital to make sure it wasn't rabid.

8. I feel like I'm in everyone's way if I show up on time.

9. My father didn't wake me up.

10. A groundhog bit my bike tire and made it flat.

11. My driveway washed away in the rain last night.

12. I had to go to bingo.

Please feel free to hit “reply” with your own suggestions for LFW Excuses, and the Committee will pass on the best and the brightest.

Oh, and today will either be: “MAPTASTIC” or “go back to bed bad”. The jury is out on that one.

(As always, I’m leaning towards the first one, but I’m not here to judge.)

Tommy ‘the hoping Julie finds the excuses funny and not insubordinate Decider’ Estlund

*Not a guarantee!

Greetings,

The Committee has decided that today is National Vocabulary Enhancement Day. And, in order to celebrate, the Committee has requested that you all teach your class your favorite word(s). (Mine are apotheosis and antithesis, which mean the perfect example of, and the complete opposite of, respectively.)

And, today's prediction is contingent upon your compliance with said task. Those of you who choose to show the Committee the respect it may or may not deserve will have a phenomenally shockingly good day. Those of you who choose not to, well...let's just say I wouldn't want to be in the same building with you, it's gonna be THAT bad.

So. Plan accordingly, and have a day.

Tommy 'the apotheosis of cool Decider' Estlund

Hey, what's up?

So, I got the message from the Committee. Some nonsense about unavoidable catastrophe, something about authorities will be notified...I don't know. Didn't really read too closely, 'cuz it sounded kina grim.

So, as the self-appointed Decider, a purely made up and powerless position, I'm going to veto the Committee's bogus prediction.

You know what? Today is gonna rock. In fact, its gonna rock HARDCORE. Today will, in fact, rock harder then a Bon Jovi/Aerosmith concert all rolled up into one hardcore rockin' day.

So, for today...JUST for today, forget that stupid 'ol Committee. They can go take a flyin' leap.

Today...is gonna ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Probably.

Tommy 'the Decidedly ambiguous Decider' Estlund

Greetings,

The Committee has decided, based on the knowledge that my giant, shiny, bald head (I don't have a forehead, I have a Five-head) can by used as a predictor of coming events, much like the Department of Homeland Securities Terror-Alert Color-coded System, that today will be:

"Terror-Alert Red"

(Now, while red might seem frightening at first glance, you don't REALLY need to be concerned until it turns purple...then, run for the hills.)

Also, today is going to be only 14% less awesome then "MAPfreakin'TASTIC". What that means is that all of your students (3-5) will get almost every single question on the MAP test correct, while students k-2 will be quiet, respectful, cordial, and caring towards all other students in the building.

Today's task: Teach your students the meaning of the word Quinquennium. (A period of time lasting 5 years.)

Thank you, and that is all...

Tommy 'the Decider who has a head like Jack-Jack' Estlund

Greetings faculty and staff--

The Committee was in transit to London last night, where they will be presenting to the G-20 Summit. They have been asked to discuss the long-term macroeconomic impact of a financially soluble organization, such as The Committee, on productivity, vis-à-vis morale. They were able to draft Tony Robbins into their presentation, which is kind of a coup. Paul Krugman, Noble Prize winning economist, has predicted that the presentation will "surely revolutionize the global marketplace, in a way that will ensure that today will go down as a red-letter day in the history books."* (Rumor has it he is even thinking about giving his Nobel Prize to the Committee in a symbolic gesture that would send a clear message about the New Order that is to come...but, that is unsubstantiated.)

Anyway, before the Committee left, they requested that I pass on word that today will be about 58% better then yesterday, which is actually a level of greatness ne'r before achieved. So, you know, enjoy.

Tommy 'the current-events-literate Decider' Estlund

*heresay, and completely made-up quote.