PSA

Greetings,

The Committee recently stumbled upon this newfangled "Internets" that they have.  Apparently, you can go there and, like, it will tell you all kinds of stuff.  They have the googles and it will apparently search for stuff using some kind of engine.  Technology truly is grand, isn't it?

Anyway, here's a little gem for ya'll:
    
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
                                -Robert Frost


Enjoy this day.  It's the last one you'll have just like it.

Tommy 'the thinks a little too highly of his ability to be profound Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee has asked that I let you all in on a little secret.  The Committee assigned the devious--yet delightful!!--task of placing secret cameras in everyone's room, so that we could monitor your response to the daily e-mails.  A grade, which will help to determine your salary for next year, will be assigned based upon how funny you think I...er, um...the Committee, is.  The following scale will be used...

Response:

You laugh hysterically at the funny e-mails and weep at those e-mails designed to elicit such a response.

Salary Change:  

You will receive a 13.98% increase in your salary.  

Response:  

You roll your eyes, sigh in exasperation, and quickly delete the e-mail.

Salary Change:

You will be given a 13.98% increase which will go towards therapy so that you can deal with your childhood issues which are hindering your ability to laugh at things that are funny.  Why do you hate awesome?

Response:

You weep at the funny e-mails and laugh hysterically at the e-mails that are supposed to be senstive.

Salary Change:  

You're fired.


We hope you are all prepared for these changes.

As per the meeting this morning, today will be: Anxious and fill with anticipation.  

Tommy 'the Decider who is totally taking advantage of this position' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met last night, along with token members of the Commission, Task-Force, subcommittee, and the governing body of the Association in order to hash out some semblance of order for these last few days.  

However, it should be noted that if progress proves difficult, the year may need to be extended.  This isn't ideal, of course, but the Committee feels that you all having to work without adequate forecasts is unacceptable, and that the only reasonable action by the Committee is to provide you an extension to the school year guaranteeing that those days have the correct prediction attached to them.

We hope that you all can be understanding.

Also, the Committee has asked that I send a special message to you all.  I have been asked to remind you all of the song we listened to by Ben Harper at the beginning of the year.  It was called, “I’ll Rise” and the lyrics are as follows:

You may write me down in history
With your bitter twisted lies
You may trod me down in the very dirt
And still like the dust I'll rise
Does my happiness upset you
Why are you best with gloom
Cause I laugh like I've got an oil well
Pumpin' in my living room

So you may shoot me with your words
You may cut me with your eyes
And I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise
Out of the shacks of history's shame
Up from a past rooted in pain
I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise

Now did you want to see me broken
Bowed head and lowered eyes
Shoulders fallen down like tear drops
Weakened by my soulful cries

Does my confidence upset you
Don't you take it awful hard
Cause I walk like I've got a diamond mine
Breakin up in my front yard

So you may shoot me with your words
You may cut me with your eyes
And I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise
Out of the shacks of history's shame
Up from a past rooted in pain
I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise

So you may write me down in history
With your bitter twisted lies
You may trod me down in the very dirt
And still like the dust I'll rise

Does my happiness upset you
Why are you best with gloom
Cause I laugh like I've got a goldmine
Diggin' up in my living room

Now you may shoot me with your words
You may cut me with your eyes
And I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise
Out of the shacks of history's shame
Up from a past rooted in pain
I'll rise
I'll rise
I'll rise


The task for today is simple:  In some way, in any way that you would like to...share this message with your students.  You don’t have to mention the song, read the lyrics, or anything like that.  Just give them the message.

And, if you do that...today will be: Uplifting.  (Get it?  I’ll Rise...will make today uplifting?  I. Love. Puns.)

Tommy ‘the wouldn’t have survived as a French court jester because they killed those who made puns Decider’ Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met briefly over the weekend in order to determine the outlook for today.  However, unfortunately, they were so bogged down with paperwork and filing that the only thing that was heard was grumbling, mumbling, and a few words not fit for print.  (At least, according to George Carlin.)  

However, one very thoughtful and insightful member of the Committee was heard to say, under his breath, the following words from Little Richard:

The grass is always greener, but just as hard to mow.

Today will be: Tuesday.

Tommy 'the seriously thinking about asking for an extension to 30 hour days Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met last night, and again this morning, in order to determine the extent of the fun that will be had today.  There was some discrepancy as to whether or not the "z" in Fun Daze was warranted.  After a respectful and thoughtfully constructed discussion, during which both sides were able to articulate their arguments, it was decided, almost unanimously, that today will indeed be fun enough to warrant the use of the slang-ified "Z".  

However, it was pointed out that the Z has been in use--without the permission of the Committee--for some time.  Therefore, unfortunately, it is necessary that some kind of restitution be made by the offending parties.  The Committee has left it up to you all to determine that.  

Today, in accordance with said decree, will be unequivocally awesome; indeed, awesome enough to warrant the Z.

So, enjoy.  

Rev. Tommy 'just because I can Decider' Estlund

RE: PSA

When my beautiful niece stretched her arms out to come to me and then laid her beautiful head on my shoulder and patted my back. That is my favorite memory this year.

 

Or, getting my tax refund.

 

---

From: Estlund, Tommy [mailto:Tommy.Estlund@raytownschools.org]
Sent: Thursday, May 21, 2009 8:45 AM
To: jennifer_n@kirksville.k12.mo.us; Sarah Estlund; tommyestlund.decider@blogger.com
Subject: PSA

 

Good morning.

After a brief scare yesterday, what with the Association trying to overthrow the Committee, we are back on track.  

Today's Decision comes in the form of a question.

What is your favorite memory of this year?  This can be at one of our gatherings as a staff, one of the PD meetings, or with your class.  So, think back, and tell me:  What is your favorite memory from this school  year?

Thanks, and you don't need to reply to all, but you certainly can...

Tommy 'the getting all nostalgic and whatnot Decider' Estlund

PSA

Good morning.

After a brief scare yesterday, what with the Association trying to overthrow the Committee, we are back on track.  

Today's Decision comes in the form of a question.

What is your favorite memory of this year?  This can be at one of our gatherings as a staff, one of the PD meetings, or with your class.  So, think back, and tell me:  What is your favorite memory from this school  year?

Thanks, and you don't need to reply to all, but you certainly can...

Tommy 'the getting all nostalgic and whatnot Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee voted unanimously to disband the Association last night.
However, the Association took retributive action against the Committee, by
way of their constituency--that is, you all--by rendering our e-mail service
disabled.  So, the subcommittee, Task-Force, and Commission banded together
to create a new software package that was able to not only take away the
Associations internet access, but also took them-surreptitiously, of
course--to a secret, unnamed, geographically mysterious prison.

So, the Association will have no association whatsoever with the Committee.

Today will be...wait, I think I hear someone.  Is that the Association?

I have to g

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met for an extended planning session last night in order to determine more specifically the outcome of the next few days of school.  (More specifically, all of the last days of school.)  

That particular conversation took about 7 and a half minutes.  The next four and a half hours of their meeting was spent in heated debate over whether to provide you all with that information today, or whether to slowly disperse it, day-by-day, until the last day of school, like little tasty nuggets of hope.  That simile led to a three hour brain-storming session on what a cereal called "Nuggets of Hope" would look and taste like.  That tangent led to another debate over the relative advantages of Nut' n Honey Crunch compared to Kashi's "Good Friends" cereal.  (How they got on THAT topic was lost to this Decider; he was just in attendance, but his mind had already kind of checked out...)

Anyway, here is the decision based on last night's meeting:  Good Friends has a lame name, and Nut and Honey Crunch has lame advertising, so it's a draw.

Tommy 'the subtly avoiding telling you all how today will look Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

This weekend the Committee, Commission, Task-Force, subcommittee, and Association were ravaged by a violent and pervasive bout of H1N1 (Swine Flu) which left all members tired, weak, and a little dehydrated.  However, this did nothing at all to their collective hankering for bacon.  

In light of the C/C/T-F/s/A's complete lack of rest over the weekend, today will be completely and totally relaxing.  Our students will come to school chilled out, mellow, and laid back.  They will comply with all requests/directions with an uncharacteristically positive attitude and demeanor.  You can all expect a thoroughly enjoyable and pleasant day.

That is all.

Tommy 'the self-diagnosing Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Association met yesterday to debrief the Committee on all decisions made in the last 48 hours by the Commission, the Task-Force, and the subcommittee.  The Association is pleased to announce a new draft for their seminal work on PBTE.

The Association has exhaustively researched the ramifications of a well designed PBTE system, as opposed to a poorly-designed PBTE system.  Of course, the Association understands that your time is valuable, and that any unnecessarily complex descriptions of said system will be for naught, so I have been asked by the Committee, the Commission, the Task-Force, the subcommittee, and of course the Association, to give you all the following brief description of the newly constituted standards for PBTE:

PBTE (or, Peanut Butter, Tomato, and Egg Salad)

Peanut Butter: The first layer on the sandwich should be nothing less than 99% organic Peanut Butter with no artificial preservatives or additives whatsoever.  Any sugar included should be in the raw and kept to a minimum.  (You have the option of adding maple syrup to sweeten it, but that is up to you.  If you do, that also should be organic, pure Maple Syrup from  the Northwestern part of Vermont.)

Tomato:  This, as we all know, is THE most crucial ingredient of the sandwich.  Tomatoes contain lycopene, which is what makes it nature's miracle fruit.  (Yes, the tomato is a fruit.  Duh.)  This sandwich should only be made while tomatoes are in season, which is part of what makes the sandwich so darn tasty.  They should be locally grown, and of course, organic.

Egg Salad:  Organic, free range chickens, and they should be the farm-fresh brown eggs, just because.  And, there should be a minimum of 4 eggs per sandwich.  (On this we just cannot be flexible.  Sorry, we don't make the rules we just...well, actually, we DO make the rules.  Never mind.)

Oh, and the C/C/T-F/s/A will also allow one variation on PBTE, the PBBTE, which includes the addition of bacon, which, as we all know, only serves to improve everything it is near.  It's kinda magical, like Bippity-bobbity-BACON, something that the fairy godmothers in Cinderella would say, you know?

Oh, and today will be:  as good and fullfilling as bacon sandwich.

Tommy 'the a bit long-winded Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee/Commission/Task-Force/Subcommittee met very briefly this morning to share their reports/affidavits etc. on how the week has been going.  The Committee/Commission/Task-Force/Subcommittee realized, through the course of their discussion, that a separate governing body, heretofore known as, "The Association" should be created, with members consisting of representatives from all of the previously mentioned groups, the Committee/Commission/Task-Force/Subcommittee.  The Association will convene in order to assess the validity of all Committee/Commission/Task-Force/Subcommittee reports/affidavits/investigations/decisions.  The Associations first statement of fact is in regards to the previous two days.  (Not the decisions about the days, but the actual days themselves.)  The Association has stated that the last two days should be stricken from the record.  They did not occur, and all faculty and staff should disregard them in thinking back on the school year.

Today will be full of obfuscation and discombobulation.  

That is all.

Tommy 'the running out of synonyms for groups Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee met last night in order to convene a Commission, whose job it is to put together a task-force, which will in turn form a subcommittee on the status of current gatherings and decision making processes.  The subcommittee will report to the task-force, which will file an affidavit with the Commission, which will complete an investigation into all task-force/subcommittee findings, which will then be passed on to the Committee.  The Committee will then determine the validity of the Commission's findings based upon the affidavit of the task-force based on the report of the subcommittee, which will then be passed on to the Decider, who will notify you all of any changes in the Decision making process.

Hope that clears up any confusion.

Today, in light of the Committee's decision based on the commissions findings based upon the task-force's affidavit of the subcommittee's report, will be bureaucratically efficient.  In the words of that great Italian leader, Benito Mussolini, "All of our trains will arrive on schedule".

That is all.

Tommy 'the randomly quoting the early 20th century Italian Dictator Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee has decided to do a Stress-Test on themselves, and the result was, they are too stressed.  Symptoms include a low-grade headache, irritability, anxiety, blurred vision, constipation, itchy teeth, premonitions, crows feet, constantly craving hamburgers with peanut butter, inability to control the volume of their voice, stinky feet, irregular fingernail growth, constant 3-day stubble, reverse-onset puberty, hot flashes, cold flashes, luke-warm flashes, color-blindness, thick tongue syndrome (TTS), nausea, vomiting, sleep loss, internal bleeding, internal combustion, a sudden craving to sniff your carpet, heartburn, hair loss, diarrhea, dry mouth, water retention, painful rectal itch, hallucination, dementia, psychosis, coma, death, halitosis, an addiction to cocaine, heroin, PCP, speed and Windex, bone weakening, claustrophobia, acne and that creepy feeling you get when it feels like someone is watching you.

And, because I feel like someone REALLY is watching me, (it's that kid in the third row who isn't reading), I have to go.  Today will be: problematic.

That is all.

Tommy 'the Decider with AWESOME side-effects' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee was unable to meet last night as they were at the Entertainment Extravaganza of the Year.  The Eastwood Hills Elementary School Talent Show was a phenomenal success; a crowd pleaser if ever there was one.  The acts were wonderful, the talent showcased was spectacular.  There were dancers, rappers, piano players, and even a pigeon.  Oh, and seriously, DON"T LET THE PIGEON drive the bus.  She only has a learner's permit, not the class 2 CDL that she needs, so she's not prepared for that kind of responsibility.  

Anyway, in the absence of any kind of real prediction from the Committee, I would like to reference The Lion in Winter.  "As if it matters how a man falls down...when the fall is all that's left, it matters very much."  What does this mean to me?  I usually think of this in reference to a sports team.  Do not abandon a blowout.  When a team is struggling against what seems like insurmountable odds, it is a thing of beauty to see them make a come back, to defeat an undefeatable team.  What does that have to do with us?  Do NOT give up on a kid who is struggling against a Mount Everest of life factors.  When they overcome?  It is a thing of beauty.

Hope that makes some semblance of sense.

Have a good day; we may have a ninth inning rally awaiting us...

Tommy 'the random sports/Shakespeare reference making Decider' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee had a positive experience in the far north, although the
length of time required for travel has inspired the Committee to decide to
invest heavily in Instantaneous Travel technology.  If only we could zap
ourselves and be somewhere right away...THAT would be neat.

Anywho, the Committee has decided that today will be: great.  In fact there
is a slight chance of today actually being grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat, but that
might just be a rumor.  (They are unsubstantiated, so who knows, you know?)

Well, let us know how things were without your beloved Decider.  Did you
miss him?  A lot?  A WHOLE lot?  Was there weeping in the halls, and
gnashing of teeth?  Did anyone wear sackcloth and sprinkle ashes on their
heads?  (Because, that too would be neat.)

Tommy 'the a bit melodramatic Decider' Estlund

PSA

-----Original Message-----
From: Estlund, Tommy
Sent: Mon 5/4/2009 8:45 AM
To: Whyte, Julie; EWH STAFF
Subject: PSA

Greetings,

The Committee has asked that I pass along to all of you the following bit of news.  The Committee has been selected to travel to the far north (Iowa) for a gathering of minds to confer and dialogue on how to better serve you all.  The meeting will require the Committee, as well as the Decider, to be gone for the next two days.  While the results of this absence will hopefully benefit you all, it does indeed require that you sojourn on without the guidance of your much needed Committee.  The Committee is asking that you let them know how much you're going to miss them.  (I.e. more than the desert misses the rain.)

That having been said, today marks a watershed day in Eastwood Hills history.  Today is the first day of an epoch that will last, it has been foretold, for the next four to eight years.  (The foretelling is a bit hazy.)  This epoch will be characterized  by highs unexperienced for lo' these many years.  It has the potential to be  legend...wait for it...ary. 

That is all.

Tommy 'the Nostradamus of Eastwood Hills Decider, minus that whole apothecary thing' Estlund

PSA

Greetings,

The Committee was in absentia last night, so once again, we are taking requests as to what today will look like.  Personally, I'm hoping for balmy (which, by the way, does NOT mean "warm and tropical", which is how EVERYONE uses it, but "cool and refreshing, like a balm") but I would settle for pleasant.  What say you?  (While you may find this to be a disagreeable obligation, it does free me from bringing the onus back on myself.  Oh, and incidentally, onus means BOTH disagreeable obligations AND blame.)

So, as I was saying, what do you think today is going to look like?

Tommy 'the needs to have the online dictionary blocked on his computer Decider' Estlund