Good day to you all,

The committee briefly discussed this morning the outlook for today. And, unfortunately, due to the lack of response to the committee's requests for vision statements (with the exception of one individual, you know who you are) today does not bode well. You can expect all of your pens to dry out, your computers will not log on (after reading this e-mail), your chair's lumbar support will give out, and your overhead projector's will inadvertently project everything into Russian. (Smartboards will be in Mandarin.)

The only hope you all have is to comply post haste with yesterday's "request". I quake in fear at what can be expected tomorrow if the same lack of respect is shown to the committee.

Be ye warned.

That is all.

The Jonathan Edwards of Deciders

Good morning!

The committee met during a closed session last night, after which they
attended a question and answer period open to the public. Sadly, due to
poor attendance, no more open forums have been scheduled.

However, during the closed session, the committee was able to reach a
consensus about the number of meetings that faculty and staff are required
to attend. It has been decided that there are far too few meetings in
general. You can all expect a sharp and marked increase, commensurate with
the rate of inflation.

So, make any adjustments to your schedule that are necessary.

And, in accordance with that decision, today will be SPECATCULAR.

That is all.

The boy I love meetings and can't you just tell?! Decider